Saying NO! to others Brings PEACE to ones self!
Saying No. It’s taken me a long time to get to know the real me. After all, life is nothing but a journey, right? You are supposed to love your journey but somewhere along the line, your journey gets tangled up in a bunch of bull shit. Some of which you create yourself, some you allow others to sling at you and then there are those moments which you cannot control even if you tried.
After a year long “soul-searching” journey, I have decided that there will be two things that I will learn to say more of as I enter into 2016. It’s all based off my feeling of being a mom and feeling taken advantage of. You see, people often misinterpret you being nice as a sign of weakness and with that you are often never appreciated the way you want to be appreciated. The old saying comes into my mind, “The more you do, the more they will expect from you”, and that holds true for being a mom. The more you do for them, the more they expect you do to. You’re nice one day by letting them use your car, but then suddenly when you ask them to do something with you or for you, they cannot possibly be inconvenienced because their lives are way more important that what ever it is you are asking of them. You are nice by vacuuming their rooms, but the minute you ask them to clean a bathroom (which they alone dirty and make you question what is living in the corner ofthe shower or bath tub….or what the disgusting ball of dental floss, chewed gum, kleenex and hair is really about), you get the looks of “are you kidding me, you want me to clean?”. You don’t have to vacuum their rooms, they are quite capable and old enough to run the vacuum. You don’t have to let them use your car, they aren’t paying for it in any way, shape or form. You are doing that because you are being nice. And as a result, nice gets you no where. After all, nice guys finish last, right?
That said, going into 2016 I plan on saying two things frequently and I want to see where that gets me. “No“, it’s that really short, two letter word that we are all afraid to say. NO! No, I will not give you the extra gifts I bought for myself so you can give it to your friends because you didn’t think to buy them something for the holiday. No, I will not let you stay out later because you haven’t seen your friends all week. No, I will not let you sit up in your room to play video games when you have a mound of clothes on your floor that needs to be washed. No, I will not rush out to buy you a video game card because there is a great sale on computer games. No, I will not go digging around the linen closet because you are too lazy to find the cotton balls to take your nail polish off with. No, no, no! I won’t do it anymore! Saying “NO” more will bring me peace in 2016!
You want something? “Do it yourself” will be my next thing I’ll be saying a lot more of in 2016. I am tired of being the only person in the house that knows where things are or how to do things. If you want something done, do it your damn self. You’re too lazy to look for something because you only look at what’s starring you in the face, no, do it yourself. Move a few items around on the shelf and I’m sure you’ll find it. Do it yourself! You’re working late and you’re hungry and you want me to stop what I’m doing to make you dinner at an odd time during the night, nope, do it yourself.
Now, before you get all defensive, keep in mind, my kids are in their teens. They don’t need mommy to do things for them like they used it. I’ve dedicated 17 years of my life to being mom. It is a thankless job sometimes. I happily gave up my job, my work identity to become a mom and I am so grateful for every moment being mom, however, mom is TIRED, plain and simple. TIRED of doing for others and feeling as if none of it mattered. Even though, yes in my heart of hearts, I know they love me and appreciate it, but sometimes, just sometimes, it is nice to be acknowledged for what you have done, what you have given up, what you continue to do, and what you continue to give up….all for the sake of your children.
Do you feel like you are never appreciated or what you do for your children goes unnoticed? Do you feel like you are never acknowledged for the things you do for your children? I’d love to hear how you have combated these feelings. I have thought about going on strike. Imagine, what would they eat if no one went to the grocery store? I bet they’d appreciate me then.